Chemotherapy Day 1

At my grandparents house in Miles City, MT.  I played sports all the time and would dress up in my uncles old baseball uniforms everytime we visited.  My playing days had come to a complete halt.
That was really the worst part of being sick. 

Saturday, January 17, 1981.  In my mom's journal she has that date underlined in red. 

The first day I had chemotherapy was one of the easiest from an administration standpoint, but one of the most difficult from an emotional one.  I had an IV in pretty much all week, so when Dr. Sauer came in that morning with three loaded up syringes, all he had to do was administer them through the IV. 

I remember talking a lot, as I have always done, but more out of nervousness and an attempt to be brave.  The Cytoxan was clear and came in the largest syringe, more than double the size of the others.  Cytoxan has a burning feeling when it is injected.  It also has a terrible metallic taste that you can't escape.  I remember scraping at my tongue trying to get rid of the awful taste.  The problem is there is nothing to scrape away, the taste comes from inside your tongue, it is a weird experience.

One of the drugs was yellow and in a small syringe, I think the vincristine.  Vincristine is a potent drug that works.  The problem is it just kills everything and it was a drug that over the next couple of months would give me the most severe side effects.  The dactinomycin I don't really remember as much compared to the other two.  It can also burn when administered and was injected over a 15-20 minute period.  It would usually take around 45 minutes to complete the entire process.

Day one of chemotherapy was over.  I was sitting upright in my hospital bed, my mom was holding my hand and it was just the two of us again.  Looking at her, she did her best to put on a "everything will be fine" appearance and tried to smile.  With tears in her eyes, she asked if I was "okay".  My time of bravery and emotional control had ended and I remember hugging her as hard as I could and crying and crying and crying.

Jan. 17  Chemotherapy started.  Vincristine, Dactinomycin, Cytoxan.